7-11 Project: Better Late Than Never, Eh?

As I said earlier today,  my Monday has been ATROCIOUS.  I am currently sitting on my couch watching Dr. Phil (cheap therapy) and downing a package of chocolate chip cookies. Because I deserve them. ;)  It is midnight, and I am just NOW able to sit down and write my Monday blog post. My days have been FULL and productive lately, but I am wearing down and to be completely honest, am THRILLED that this 7-11 Project is coming to a close.  I'm not sure how many more projects I can fit into a 24-hour period without pulling my hair out. So lets dive right into the progress from last week so that I can get some sleep. . .not that I'm not enjoying our time together. . .

1. Do/visit/experience 11 new activities/places/things.

Last week, I enrolled my youngest monster in "God's Gift To Stay-At-Home-Moms" a.k.a. "Mother's Day Out" at a local church.  This bought me a few hours a few times a week to have "me time". During my very first session of me time, I decided to do something that I haven't been able to in a good long while.  I went and saw a movie.  This time, however, I went by myself, which is something that I've never done and never thought that I would do.  I'd always heard some of my single friends say how much they loved going to the movies alone and I each time, I'd responded, How sad! Why would you want to go alone? Wouldn't that be sort of. . .pathetic? Now I can say from experience. . . .NO.  It is far from pathetic, and quite wonderful actually.  I went to a Friday matinee to see the movie Courageous. It was nothing short of FANTASTIC.  Let me expand a moment.  It was a Christian movie (which will immediately make some of your eye's roll, but bear with me. . .) and most a lot of the time they cannot escape the cheese factor.  Although there were some "cheesy, cliche-ic" moments, the overall plot and message was amazing.  I am so glad that I saw it alone, because I'm pretty sure I cried at least 4 times and then all-out SOBBED through the last 20 minutes.  And there aren't many movies that the crowd stands up and applauds when it's finished, but that's what happened in the theatre.  Granted, it was mid-morning on a Friday, so it was only about 15 people, but it was a "moment".  Bet you didn't think you were going to get a free review of a movie in my post. . .I always like to go above and beyond for my readers. Just call me Siskel.  Or Eibert. Or Conan. Whoever.  Anyhow, the whole point is that I LOVED seeing a movie all by myself.  I got to sit where I wanted, eat my pickle and butter-saturated popcorn and coke in peace (and guilt-free).  This will definitely become a new hobby of mine.

Another first for me came on Saturday. I was able to run my very first 5K.  This was something that I had been training for for the last 7 weeks and had been anticipating for years.  It's always been a dream of mine to run a marathon, and I saw running a 5K as one of the baby steps to accomplishing that dream.  Let me just say, I had no idea how hard it will be.  Those runner friends of mine, please do not point and laugh.  This was a struggle.  Namely because I had spent most of my training for this 5K on the treadmill.  Boy, is running outside a WHOLE OTHER WORLD compared to running on a treadmill with built-in facial fans, your bottle of water on hand, and the ability to zone out and trust that you're not going to run into a tree. The City on a Hill 5K Run that took place this Saturday was definitely not a treadmill!  In fact, it was FULL of HILLS (go figure!) and on one of the windiest, coldest days that Oklahoma has seen yet this fall season. I wanted to give up about halfway in, but I persisted and finished the entire race. And wouldn't you know, I wasn't even dead last!? I couldn't run the entire 5K, but that is something I will continue to work towards.  All that said, I finished my first 5K in 37.2 minutes.  Not bad, if I do say so myself!

2. Do 11 new activities with the kids.

After the race on Saturday, I was FAMISHED, so we decided to try our hands at making homemade pizzas. The boys were really excited to help, as pizza is one of their favorite foods!

 We went to the store together and bought all the ingredients to make turkey-pepperoni pizzas for lunch. They loved deciding how much sauce, how much cheese, etc would go on their personal pan pizzas. Mr. Grouchy Pants wasn't thrilled at the fact that we had to wait a whole 15 minutes for it to bake in the oven and another whole 10 minutes for it to cool off.  I believe his words were, "Mooooom, this cooking pizza stuff takes way too long.  Next time, you should just call and tell the pizza man to bring it to us." I know, right?  I obviously don't bake enough. In the end, it didn't taste like Little Caesar's or Pizza Hut (meaning the boys voted it a bust), so I ended up eating all three personal pans myself (confession. . .) and warming them up a can of Beefaroni.  But I enjoyed the new endeavour. :)

3. Tackle 11 new house projects.

If any of you have known me well enough to be invited into my mess of a car, you would know what a constant state of disheavel that it stays in.  I'm talking. . .last week's lunch from Sonic in the back floorboard, growing mold of some sort, random fruit loops, tootsie rolls, mismatched tennis shoes and socks, about a million receipts and toys, and enough clothing to start another spare wardrobe.  It's quite frightening at it's best.  And it's been known to smell.  A little. So when I decided to take a trash sack to it on Sunday, I was shocked to realize that I did, indeed have a floorboard.  It took two trash bags, two loads of laundry, and $3.00 in quarters for the carwash vaccuum, but it is now CLEAN.  So I'm checking that project off the to-do list.

Another long-procrastinated project of mine was organizing the boys closet.  Since moving the boys in to the same room, I had never combined their clothes and toys.  Much of Stink's stuff was still taking up residence in my bedroom and closet.  I was so excited to go through all of their fall clothes and put everything together.  I also found, in the course of it all, that these boys have WAY more outfits for Fall than they have time to wear them.  I gave some clothes away to friend's who had a little boy a bit younger than mine, but as you can see below, this closet is OVERSTOCKED.  So grandparents, NO NEW CLOTHING for Christmas.  In fact, they are good in the toy dept. too.  Just send gift cards. Haha. No really. . . it was good to finally get this task taken care of.

4. Read 11 new books.

Well, I decided to switch things up and read Ellen's new book entitled "Seriously. . .I'm Kidding".  It was a riot! I'm talking laugh-out-loud-pee-my-pants funny.  I just love her random sense of humor, but this book was packed to the brim with inspiration too.  I'd highly recommend it.  It's also extremely easy to read, as I finished it in less than 24 hours.

Currently, I am finishing up "52 Things Kids Need From a Mom" by Angela Thomas.  And I really don't think just reading this book is going to cut it for me.  I may take this book on as a yearly project starting in January.  It gives one thing to focus on every single week of the year to allow mom's to provide everything physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually for her kids.  I am learning a lot and it has already changed so much of what I prioritize where my kids are concerned.  I'm making daily changes as I read.  It was definitely a good choice of a "self-help" book for my list.  Moms, a must-read.

Well, that's all folks!  I only have 4 days left to accomplish the remainder of the goals on my list.  Realistically, I won't be able to accomplish it all. But I still plan on trying my darndest to check off as many items as womanly possible. Tune in to the tab at the top labeled "7-11 Project" for a complete progress report.  I'll update it for the final tally on the 11th.

It's now well into the wee hours of the morning.  Yes, I type slow. So I am forced to publish and crawl into bed.  It will only be a matter of time before one of the little monsters is woken up by the flash-flood storms outside.  Or another earthquake. Or tornado sirens. Maybe a locust infestation is next.  Who knows. . .I'm only sure one thing. . .I need to spend a few extra minutes in prayer and thank God for every minute that I'm given lately.  No one knows when Oklahoma will be destroyed by some new natural disaster.

Grouchiness and Apologies

I am fully aware that I owe you a 7-11 Project Monday blog post.  However, I woke up in a cranky mood and have been running around like a mad woman with her hair on fire today.  Counseling classes, grocery shopping, and and baby shower planning. . .so pardon my tardiness.  I will be posting it tomorrow instead. In the meantime, here's a little something to tide you over. . .

Mr. Grouchy Pants Gets it From His Mama

You can call me MRS. GROUCHY PANTS today. No. That's an understatement. My throat was tight. My head was foggy. I felt like wearing a name tag this morning that read, "Crabby. Do Not Touch." Maybe the other Mother's Day Out moms would leave me alone and not engage me in the regular "How are ya?!" in their normal sing-songy-I-really-care-about-your-personal-life voices. Ugh.

I sat in bed for a moment and tried to figure out why I was feeling so irritable. But that's kind of pointless, isn't it?

Regardless of whether it's hormones, sleep deprivation, or just a plain-and-simple bad mood, I still have to make it through the day.

Meanwhile, my toddlers are scratching at one another and my husband wants to know if he has any clean socks. Or peroxide. Huh?

That's when I realize I need help, fast. And whenever that happens, I realize I need to go back to the basics. I need to return to the fundamentals of who (and what) I know myself to be. That's when I need to forget this buzzing body and sink into my spirit.

Because I've done it again. I've gotten myself trapped into a buttonhole where all I'm thinking about is what's happening two inches in front of my face. And I'm mistaking that for the real world.

What I need to remember, at times like these, is that my spiritual side--which teems and churns with joy, which represents heaven on earth--is always one choice away.

As a spiritual being, joy is my default emotion. The other feelings, whether anger, jealousy, boredom, sadness, or irritability, are merely ingredients I add by being focused on the buttonhole--that separate little body I sometimes convince myself is all there is.

I can burn off those unpleasant emotions by returning to a focus on love and love alone. Because a single, pure loving response is the way to access the spirit, to pull it into the moment...this moment.

That's when we see that our pains and annoyances are nothing more than reminders that we've chosen to focus on the buttonhole and not the level of consciousness that could have us boogieing with joy every moment of our lives.

So I take the step that will reconnect me with my divine essence. Simply put: I find something lovely or loving to do with myself.

For me, today, that means I get up. I find some socks. I pour some juice for the kids. I think about how grateful I am.. I decide to pray away my "grouchy pants".  Isn't that what I do for my son?  We pray the "dark clouds" away.  It's harder to do when you look outside to the sky and it's the same color as your mood.

But I have so much to be thankful for.  Funny that some days are harder than others to drudge up the "grateful spirit". Sometimes you can only muster up the "I'm thankful that I'm breathing. That's all I got, God."  And then other days, you are stunned by the gifts God gives us every moment of every day.  I'm going to start counting up my blessings, get my grocery list out, make my "Temperment Currently Under Construction" name tag and choose to be grateful for my little bit of heaven on earth.  Yes, even if that's just a venti mocha latte extra whip. With sprinkles. And caramel. Don't forget the caramel. . . . .Smile.

 

Wanna Be Sister Wives?

Have you been watching this season of Sister Wives?
 
No?
 
Oh, good. Two things I like about you are your superior taste in television and righteous moral code preventing you from enjoying the debris left in the wake of another reality TV train wreck.
 
Remind me to be more like you after this season of The Polygamy Party wraps.
 
But for the time being, I plan to bask in the drama and contemplate why I, myself, have not jumped on this idea of taking on a sister wife to help me keep my mess of a house clean.
 
Because I am fascinated by all things deemed “socially wrong” and have a hard time turning down the bounty of jokes such programs offer, I grabbed a bowl of popcorn and a Bible (for research purposes) and settled in for the hour-long ride of the season premiere that I had recorded on DVR. TLC’s hit show follows the boring-while-scandalous lives of a polygamous family. One husband. Four Wives. A crap ton of kids with daddy and multiple-mommy issues. The current season begins with the family’s abrupt move from Utah to Las Vegas. Prompted by the looming criminal charges filed against the unique clan for their,. . . .um, uniqueness, they packed up their van (and greyhound bus and eighteen-wheeler) and began anew in the City of Sin. To which I say, “Ironic, much?“.
 
The opening episode chronicles what I like to call Duh-prise!, a series of serious family talks about alarming events that everyone else saw coming. The wives aren’t thrilled when a fellow wife announces a pregnancy? Duh. How’d you see that one playing out Wife Numero Quatro? The children are acting withdrawn because on top of having to explain their dad’s feathered haircut they are now subject to having their “uniqueness” broadcast to every man, woman, and classmate in the nation. Double Duh, and yet Wife #2 looks pretty astounded. To which I say, “All y’all wives, I'm shocked that you're shocked. I mean, really”.
 
Midway through the show, one of the wives (the blonde one. No, not that blonde one. The other blonde one. Nope, wrong again. Oh, forget about it) began crying as she questioned how their lifestyle affected their children, their jobs, and every other nook and cranny of their world. I was prepared with my standard Duh-prise! jab but stopped short of mocking the wed-happy clan this time. Perhaps I was mastering that ever elusive sensitivity thing. Maybe I felt the woman’s pain as a mom, not sure of how to get the mom part right. Most likely it was the radiant glow of the husband’s feathered locks that entranced me. To which I say, “Sir, your hair is glorious. And disturbing. But- good grief- it’s glorious”.

Ahhhhh. Do you hear the angels sing?
 
Whatever the reason, I spent next twenty-one minutes trying to justify the family’s odd arrangement. Surely we aren’t all that different. Some of the wives like sweaters. I like sweaters. They live in houses. I’ve only got one, but a roof’s a roof, right? Some of the kids think their parents are whacko. My mom once greeted a group of my school friends at the door in her in MC Hammer pants. The more I thought about it, the more rational a polygamist lifestyle became.
 
PERKS OF GETTIN’ HITCHED…. And then doing it all over again…and again and again and again and again:
 
1. No shortage of potential candidates: Should one wife leave, the polygamist husband has a alternate buffet of willing and weird ladies ready to join the Wife Trifecta. From the participating prisoners in Oklahoma Women’s Penitentiary pen pal programs to the ill-dressed ladies not up to par to snag a rich date from the Millionaire Matchmaker, a good wife’s not all that hard to find. Also, I hear Kate Gosselin is on the market for a new village to raise her. . .village. And she's already good at crying while sitting on a couch.
 
2. Stocked cupboards: No, I’m not talking about soup. As the lone woman in a house of boys, I am faced with a monthly shock of having run out of products for the hygiene of my lady bits. Big, brave men, are scared of the tiny, cotton tools, and of course,offer no help. They will not, under any circumstances, lay their brawny hands on a toxic box of tampons. If forced to run that cursed errand, the male population will act insulted (even injured) because, you know, I begged for a period just to mess with you. With a mountain of sisterwifefriends, though? Biologically synced menstrual cycles will have you all singing the bloody tune around the same time. What are the odds all eight of us forgot to buy our necessities?
 
3. No Headache? Not a problem: A complaint of many uni-married couples is sexual interaction or- more precisely- the lack thereof. The average American bedroom on a Tuesday night sounds a lot like the site index for WebMD: headache, tendonitis, rabies, headache, gallstones, swine flu. A lone wife is forced to walk that delicate balance between courteous intimacy and blatant lying to avoid the doing of the “it”. I mean, the old headache-exhaustion-fatigue-stomach flu routine only works for about a week. But when your husband hops houses and swaps wives on a daily basis, suddenly Wife, The Sex Doctor need only be on-call every other month.
 
4. Everyone loves a little math humor: Traditional brides are somewhat restricted in boring, old choices for wedding invitations. While the standard boy-met-girl lingo is more widely accepted, I can’t help but think how much fun creating a wedding as The Newbie Wife could be. The possibilities are endless. From “We Thee Wed” to “Two Become One Fourteen”, you’d surely win in the category of uniqueness.
 
5. Big money, honey(s): Should the polygamist tribe be blessed with straight teeth and feathered locks (check!), a foray into the entertainment industry is a lucrative venture. What starts as weepy interviews on a reality television show can bloom into big screen celebrity. The Sisterhood of The Traveling Husband could play out on film with all the tears and female hormones of the more recognizable blockbuster hit about friends sharing jeans. The story line would be the same, just with a less attractive male lead… and probably less pants… and definitely less traveling (unless you count a midnight move out-of-state to avoid court proceedings). Never mind. That’s an awful idea. I’d definitely take the denim.
  
As this week’s train pulled into the station, a polygamist people wrecked and bare to sickly curious onlookers, my list of pros for the television family seemed like a grain of sand at the foot of Cons Mountain. I clicked off the TV and gave my one man a mental high-five (and a passive verbal warning against even thinking about introducing another lady into my house). I spun the little ring around my finger, repeating one thing as I drifted to sleep. Monogamy, I think I love you.

7-11 Project: Trick-or-Treat

 Today marks the end of October and the day we've been anticipating all month at my house.  Before we get on to important business, I want to wish everyone a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!  I hope it's Spook-tacular! (Yes, insert comment about how corny I am here.)  We are gearing up for the annual haunting of our neighborhood tonight.  Mr. Grouchy pants is counting the minutes until the sun goes down so that he can get his "trick-or-treat" on.  He got to sport his costume at school today for the Halloween party, and walked into his class with his chest puffed out and hands on his hips.  He is going to enjoy every minute of people referring to him as "Superman" or "Clark" instead of his "boring name", as he informed me this morning.  Little does he know of how hard BC fought to try to talk me into naming him "Kent", so that on all legal documents, he would officially see Clark, Kent.  I veto'd that real quick, but that hasn't seemed to stop Grouch from putting on the outfit EVERY day this week and truly believing in his little heart of hearts that he is indeed, Superman.  He will just learn to fly when he is "Growed up". Sure honey, whatever you think.  Here is a pic below of him in his class this morning in all his superhero glory:

 And now for the update.  The 7-11 Project deadline is quickly approaching and I am scrambling to check off each item one by one.  This week has been full of activity for the holidays as well as a sense of accomplishment in the progress department.  How much success, you ask?  Let me count thy ways. . .

1.  Read 11 new books.

After I finished "The Help", I decided that it would only be fitting with the Halloween season to start Michael Leehan's Ascent From Darkness; the true story of how Satan's soldier became God's warrior. 

 I am about halfway through it so far.  It is an exceptionally EASY read as the writer is not a professional author and more so writes as if he is sitting across from you at a coffee shop and telling you his life story over a mocha latte.  His inspiring journey out of satanism and depression into a life of serving God with his whole heart is amazing and I can't wait to finish it.  I highly recommend it for any of those who have always wondered about the role spiritual warfare plays in our everyday lives. 

2. Run 11 miles every week.

Regretfully, I confess that this goal has been one that I continuously struggle with.  I believe I have not successfully ran 11 miles in one week but once during this 7-11 Project.  Busyness and laziness have ensnared me time and time again.  However, this week, I ran 9 miles in three days and felt fantastic!  That is, until the fatigue set in two days afterward. I am 5 days away from running my first 5K and am really striving to be able to RUN the entire thing.  We will see.  I may end up running most of it and hobbling to the finish line with exploding muscles. :)

3. Do 11 new activities with the kiddos.

 This Sunday afternoon, we attempted a first. We sat down and proceeded to play our very first board game as a family.  BC reluctantly joined us, but I believe he and I had more fun than Grouch or Stinker.  Candyland was always something I played growing up and I thought that it was a safe choice and age appropriate for our boys.  It was easy enough to explain and everyone was geared up to have a good time. . . .until Grouch started to lose.  Then proceeded the pouting. Oh, brother.  BC and I caught him cheating at what cards he drew and eveverything fell apart once Mommy started winning.  How dare I!?  Let's just say the game will go back on the shelf until such a time when Mr. Grouchy Pants can achieve defeat without throwing his pawn across the room in poor sportsmanship. Or until Mommy relents to letting him win every little game we ever play.  Knowing the competitiveness in myself, I'd say we won't be playing board games for quite some time. :)

4.  Try/visit/experience 11 new places, things, or activities.

I picked up a class calendar at my local YMCA where I like to go run and decided to attempt my first Zumba class.  A number of my friends have said how fun it is, so I decided that would try it out.  Upon arrival, I realized that I was one of the only ones in the class that didn't take it SERIOUSLY.  Everyone was decked out in their skintight spandex and sports bras, complete with headbands and special Zumba sneakers.  I was in a t-shirt and basketball shorts. My bad. I didn't realize I needed to come to look like I was going to be included in the next Susan Sommers Sexy Buns workout video.  I sighed as the class began and immediately fell behind.  Way behind.  As "I'm Sexy and I Know It" by LMFAO blared over the stereo, the booty-shaking commenced.  Hips were swinging back and forth and the pelvic thrusting totally through me off.  Did these women take a DVD home and learn all these moves before the class? I joined in with only about every third move.  I was hopeless.  I had no mojo and I certainly wasn't bringing anything sexy back.  It was entertaining to watch all the 50-year-old "cougar-types", get their groove on.  I believe most of them were probably strippers in a former life.  And all of the 20-somethings droppin it like it's hot could probably leave this class and go directly into a MTV Spring Break casting without a problem.  However, I needed to take my clumsy rump home and study up a bit more on how the Latinas learn how to move their booties.  I enjoyed myself.  And Lord knows the other classmates enjoyed watching me make a fool of myself.  But the next time I go into Zumba class, I'm coming prepared. . .With neon armbands and leotards made for the Macarena.

And now, for the moment all 7 of you have been waiting for. . . .The first ever blog GIVEAWAY Winner!  In my attempt to gain a greater following by launching a book giveaway, I actually managed to gain 5 more blog followers this week than last week.  Not the hundreds that I completely expected to pour in (HA!), but I'll take it!  Thanks to everyone who posted a link to my blog on your facebook pages, who left me comments, and who referred me to your friends.  It means a lot to me that you find my silly little life amusing enough to tune in and see what I'm up to.  :)  I definitely plan to host another giveaway next month.  Maybe with a turkey theme.  We shall see. . . .

Without further ADO. . . .can I get a BIG round of applause for the Winner of the Miss Banana Pants Book Giveaway. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Miss DIXI BEASLEY!!!  Congrats on winning a copy of The Help, The Shack, and Ascent From Darkness.  You will LOVE all three, I promise!

I hope everyone has a safe and FANG-tastic  Halloween (yes, I brought the Corny again.  I apologize.)!  Visit my facebook page "Miss Banana Pants" and post me some pics of your little ghouls and goblins!  I'd love to see all the awesome outfits!

Last-Minute Homemade Halloween Costumes!

 For the procrastinator parents out there, here are some of the CUTEST, last-minute, homemade Halloween costumes that I've found online this week.  I thought I would compile them to share with you, since trick-or-treating is now mere days away!  All of these costumes are made with items that one might find lying around the house already.  Most are also costumes that you and your little goblin could have a blast creating together!  Enjoy!!

Baby Moose, Adorable Jester, Handsome Clark Kent,

and a Precious Ladybug!

 Baby Moose

Find a plain brown or beige footed pajamas with matching cap.  Take a pair of white gloves and fill them with crumpled up newspapers.  Attach them to the cap/beanie for an adorable infant/toddler costume!

Adorable Jester

Find a number of multi-colored socks around the house and fill them with crumpled newspapers. Attach some to the top of a colorful cap/beanie and the others to the collar of the toddler's onesie or

 colorful T-shirt.  What an innovative idea!

Clark Kent

For those superheroes in your house, put a light jacket over a Superman shirt. Pair this with a random tie and a pair of grandma's reading glasses and you've got a perfect Clark Kent!

LadyBug

Dress your bug in all black (leggings, long-sleeve shirt).  Cut out a heart-shape from cardboard and cover with red fabric or t-shirt material.  Use a sharpie to pen on some polka dots to your wings.  Then top it off with an antenae made from a black headband and black pipe cleaners.

Gigantic Grapes, DICE, Tiny Turtle, Loose Lego!

Gigantic Grapes

Dress your toddler in either gray or green sweats.  Blow up as many purple balloons as you can get ahold of and attach them all over his sweats using safety pins.  Top it off with a thin tree branch or rope wraped around his neck and shoulders, attaching leaves to it.  This is such a unique and easy costume!

Dice

This costume is super easy to make!  Just find some cardboard boxes (the size of computer boxes is about the right size) and spray paint white.  Cut holes for the legs and arms. Attach big, black dots cut out of construction paper and attach to all sides. Dress your toddler in al black to make the costume stand out. Adorable idea for twins or children wanting to match friends!

Tiny Turtle

Dress your child in green sweats. Take a two turkey oven pans for the front and back of the turtle shells.  Spray paint them different shades of yellow, green, and brown and attach using small

 rope/yarn over the shoulders.

Loose Lego

Find a large cardboard box about half the size of your toddler.  Depending on what color of lego you decide to become, wear cordinating sweats underneath the costume. Roll up matching color construction paper to make the lego prongs on the outside of your costume.  Then spray paint the entire lego the designated color.  This is also an excellent costume for multiple children to do together!

Darling Dragon, Cuddly Dalmation Puppy,

Stinky Skunk, and Cute Conductor 

Darling Dragon

Your toddler can dress in warm, solid-colored footed pajamas in various shades of greens. Then take a number of square kitchen sponges and cut them in half to create triangles. Attach these sponges along the back of the child's pajamas. Attach some to each other at the bottom to create a dragon tail. 

Cuddly Dalmation Puppy

Cut out a TON of black polka dots from construction paper or black fabric from an old t-shirt. Attach the dots to either white sweats or white pajamas.  Use a shirt or sweater that has a hood in which to attach black ears to.  Painting a circle around one of the child's eye will complete the costume!

Stinky Skunk

Dress your infant/toddler in all black.  Use a black cap/beanie/hoodie to cover the head.  Then, attach a white, feather boa from the top of the cap all the way down the back of the costume using safety pins!

Cute Conductor

Dress  your little conductor in jean overalls with a red bandana around their neck.  Take two cardboard boxes and construction paper and and create your train engine from the photo above.  Use the construction paper to create the wheels.  Finally, use rope or thick ribbin to attach to child's shoulders. This costume is a bit more complex, but would make a fun craft for you and your toddler!

Silly Spider, Cheeky Clown, Giggly Ghost,

and Mr. Jelly Beans

Silly Spider
Another costume based around  comfortable black sweats. Find 2 pairs of long, black soccer-style socks and fill them with crumpled newspapers.  Straighten out a wire closet hanger and string it through the center of the black sock with the newspaper to keep them standing up, like spider legs.  Attach the four socks to the sides of your toddlers sweatshirt with safety pins.  Take red construction paper and cut a round shape to make up the body of the spider and attach it to your child's stomach. Give your little spider black gloves to top off the look!

Cheeky Clown
Find a solid-colored jumpsuit for your child to wear that may have a matching cap.  Take multi-colored, kitchen net sponges and attach them to the front of the jumpsuit like buttons.  Take a bunch more sponges and string them together to make a necklace to wear around her neck.  Lastly, attach three last sponges together and attach them to the top of the cap to make a really silly clown hat! 
This is such a fun costume!

Giggly Ghost
Take a king-size white pillowcase to use as the body of the your ghost. The open side should be use as the bottom for a dress-effect.  Cut a hole in the other end of the pillowcase to fit the child's head through. Sinch the ends together with black and white ribbon.  Attach the same ribbon to the bottom of the pillowcase dress. Then, using a black permanant marker, draw the eyes and the mouth of the ghost.  This is a fun costume and a cute outfit for pre-Halloween festivities as well!

Mr. Jelly Beans
Another costume built around balloons!  Blow up multi-colored balloons to act as jelly beans.  Take a clear trash sack and cut two leg holes in the bottom of it. Tie the end of it together at the child's neck after they have stepped into the bag and the balloons have been inserted on all sides of the child.  Finally, tape a sign to the front of the trash sack to simplify the costume!

All these costumes and more I found on multiple websites, such as babble.com, parenting.com, Parent Magazine and google.  Good luck this Halloween and have a safe and happy trick-or-treat with the kiddos!!

How To Raise a Serial Killer

Have you ever watched those melodramatic Dateline specials about rapists, serial killers, and the like? They always have very stupid names like “Murder In The Moonlight” or “Mystery & Massacre”. I'm more of a Law & Order: SVU fanatic myself. Every little “Bom-BOM” gets my mind racing as to how people go from being normal persons in society to “Jeffrey Dommers”. I've said numerous times that people shouldn't cut me off in traffic, because I've watched enough episodes to know how to hide the bodies from even Benson and Stabler. I became even more addicted to these shows whilst I was pregnant. Since I was stuck at home with my feet elevated, I forced BC to watch hour after hour of L&O marathons until it became a running joke. Anytime anything was remotely creepy or mysterious, we'd make the “Bom-BOM!” noise. . .I even downloaded it as a ring tone on my phone. Every time I would get a text message and hear it from the kitchen, I'd hear Chris Hanson say, “Little did she knowww it was the last turkey sandwich she would everrr enjoyyyyy!”  

Anyhow, I remember watching this one particular show about children who kill. As would be expected most of their parents were completely shocked to find their little bundle of joy offing the neighbors. There were, of course, the select few juvenile murderers who killed women because their mamas were hookers and such. But for the most part these boys seemed to have ordinary lives and circumstances. It begs the question: How does one raise (or avoid raising) a serial killer?  

I am taking precautions already. I am emphasizing daily that mommy is not a crack whore, daddy never beats women, the world is a happy, happy, non-violent place. So far both boys seem mostly concerned with whether or not we're having mac-and-cheese for lunch and fighting nothing but super villains, so I think we are safe.  

A few days ago, Mr. Stinky Pants and I headed to the mall for some Chick-Fil-A and last minute Halloween costumes. It was midway through the food court that it struck me: Serial-killing is the LEAST of our problems! What if we raise a douchebag?  

The mall was eight kinds of littered with teenage buttheads off school for fall break. All dressed with overly embellished, saggy, and neon-colored garb and speaking wayyy too loudly (I predict to distract from their metal braces and pubescent insecurity). Two of them entered a store in front of us, letting the door slap back and smash into Stinker's stroller. Several more cluttered the open walk-ways with no regard for the several hundred people attempting to squeeze by. What insensitive cretins!  

It is becoming clearer to me by the day that the threat of raising a mini-jerk is much more imminent than Grouch or Stink possibly killing the neighbors’ pets. I mean, if I find them writing dark poetry and taking a fascination with swords I’ll let you know. But the possibility that my precious, giggly baby boys could turn into frat-astic idiots somehow feels more alarming and immediately threatening.  

All that's missing is Axe Bodyspray & an Ed Hardy Tee.  

There will be a day, not so far from now, when Lil Stinker is not huddled up in my arms and entertained by Baby Einstein videos. There will be a day when he walks the halls of school with purebred douche bags looking to make some more douchey friends. They will be everywhere, just waiting to recruit a newbie dimwit into their crew.  

They will drink to oblivion because it is cool. They will make up games with these drinks with no other goal aside from getting “plastered”. They will talk about girls in terms of boobs and willingness-to-put-out rather than personality and purity and godliness. They will wear overly embellished shirts with gold print designs and studs decorating the sleeves and chest, sport tribal tattoos that don’t actually mean anything, and wear “distressed” jeans that leave the greater population wondering where the bear went that attacked them. They will roll their eyes immediately at every word a teacher or parent says, not because the adult is wrong but rather because it is an expected reaction from their peers. They will lose sight of the value of intelligence, kindness, and character, focusing, rather, on hooking up, getting drunk, and being the life of the party. They will skip school because a class is never more important than a Taco Bell run. They will break their mothers’ hearts for turning into something so much less than what was dreamed for them.  

How does one stop this kind of stupid from happening to her boys?  

I have a plan (that could also work effectively if your child is starting to act like a mini-killer,too).  

1. Be The Bad Guy: You know what kids do when their parents are “cool”? They get in to very adult crud because they assume they can handle it. They drink, smoke, steal, skip school, lose virginity-or, if you’re really unlucky start experimenting with killing neighborhood pets…and children- because their parents act as if they’d be cool about it. Absolutely NEGATORY. I genuinely hope Grouch and Stink love and respect me, but if they starts actin’-a-fool they will get a swift kick, a nice dose of house arrest, and diminished privileges (as in I will let them eat, breathe, and use the bathroom. . .and not a thing more).  

2. Accidentally Insert One’s Self Into Every Aspect of Life: I’ve heard all the talk of “letting your child have space and privacy”… Once again, Never gonna happen with this mama! My dear children, be fully aware that I will work in the office at your high school, I will act like I’m making your bed just to check your drawers for drugs and condoms (or swords and dark poetry), and I will secretly plant a GPS Tracker on your first car. Overboard? Maybe. But when the parents of mini-killers and mini-bully-douches are interviewed, without fail they all make the statement ” I never saw any signs”. BALONEY. I am a firm believer you can’t see signs without looking…so I will snoop. And should they turn out to be either murderer or moron, at least I will have the consolation of being on top of it and trying at every turn.

3. Will Work For Phone: This goes hand in hand with the snooping I suppose. In all my mall-research, I have found a theme of sorts: Kids who get away with being jerks, kids who get away with being bullies, kids who get away with plotting school-yard murders all have too many tools in which to mask or get away with these behaviors. A 12-year-old boy with a cell phone and Facebook account wields a lot of power to bully, experiment with violence, sex, drugs, etc. If a tween-aged boy is not responsible enough to operate a motor vehicle, is he responsible or even ready enough to communicate privately with large numbers of people without parental supervision? My parents would not have left me and a dozen jr. high friends alone in the house for a slumber party. Why would they leave me alone with a social network of 200? Heck-to-the-nanananawww! Call me Meanness, but my son will get things as he proves himself capable of handling them. Phone? Internet? Large allowance? Fancy first car? These are all weapons that- in irresponsible child-hands- can cause some serious damage- be it bullying, drunk driving, or purchasing guns and fleeing a crime scene.

4. Pray Said Mean-ness Away Daily: As I've mentioned before, a recent nightly ritual of mine has become silently sneaking into the boys' room after they are asleep and praying over them. I will immediately start including prayers binding any spirits of douchbag-ness, bullying, anger, self-loathing, jealousy, arrogance, selfishness, and disrespectfullness. I truly believe these are all spirits that plague our children more and more so as they grow. There is also something to be said about constantly saturating their lives with “things of above”. I figure if they are bombarded with mission trips, youth services, service projects, counseling/prayer partners, mother-son date nights, praise and worship teams, and choir practices, it will stifle any idle time for lengthy zombie killing sprees on Xbox Live (or in real life).   

So I will leave you with this creepy Dateline commentator voice:  

“It twasss a dark September ev-en-ing. The air was crisp, the moon bright. The house full of partying juveniles who neverr sawww it co-mingg. In she burst! But who wass she??? Snatching a 16-year-old fellow known only as Mr. Grouchy Pants, she bent him over her knee. The young men scattered and ran, a trail of empty beer cans and failed party plans crunching under feet. Why had she come?  

[Grouch's close friend, Nate Dawg] “Woman was crazy, dude. She was all crazy nuts, man. We was tryin to get our drink and drank on and she just came in all screechin’ and gave Grouch a major spank-down. She had a switch in her handbag, man. She brought a tree branch, dude! It was insane.”  

It was, police would later discover, the butt-busting of the century!!!!”

7-11 Project: Weddings and Halloween and Giveaways, OH My!!

Let's get right to the good stuff first. . .who wouldn't rather eat dessert before dinner!?  As promised. . .Miss Banana Pants' FIRST GIVEAWAY is here!  I have decided to spotlight a few of the books that I have been/will be reading as my first gift to my blog readers!  I have recently read and written about The Shack by William P. Young; am currently reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett; and will next be reading Ascent From Darkness by Michael Leehan (who also happens to be from Edmond, OK).  These three books will go to the winner of my first Giveaway for you to enjoy as much as I have!  Here's the details to enter:

Leave me a comment on this blog post AND post a link to my little blog on your facebook page. This will get you TWO entries in the giveaway.  At the bottom of this post, there is a FB button in which to do that quite easily.  I would love to enter you more than twice as well!  If you have friends that would be interested in this giveaway and do the above to get entered, email or comment me and let me know their names and I will enter you another time for every person you send this way.  The more the merrier!  I'd love to get more loyal blog followers and more feedback from all of my friends!

Now. . . .onto the dinner menu. . .

In honor of my dawdling nature, let me begin by telling you about a joyous day that I got to witness this week.  One of my best friends, Miss Emily got married to her Prince Charming!  It was such a sweet ceremony that I just had to blog about it.  I haven't seen a more "personal" exchange of vows since my own.  The bride and the groom both wrote their "love story" for the pastor to talk about.  As well, each proclaimed the "little things" that they love about the other.  I'm not going to lie. . .I totally boo-hoo'd through the entire thing.  It was soooo special!  And Miss Emily and her gorgeous daughter A.J. deserve all the happiness and blessings in life.  I'm so happy to be a part of their new beginning.  Here is a pic of the happy couple. :)  Don't you just want to pinch their cheeks!?  

Okay, Nooooooow we can move along to the 7-11 Project progress report.  This week has been full and busy!  I'm hoping this next week, I have double the success in accomplishing as much as I did this week.

1. Tackle 11 new house projects.

This darn linen closet has been my collection place for all the things that didn't otherwise have a "place". Everyone has a junk drawer at their house.  Well, this was my "junk closet".  (One of them. . .)  I'd been meaning to organize it for some time.  Mainly because every time I walked down the hall, I would smell FEET.  This had also become the place where the boys tossed their shoes when they took them off and then they laid inside without any oxygen to help them "air out".  They were in some desperate need of Febreeze, baby powder, and reorganization.  It actually took a whole lot less time than expected to clean it out and organize and I'm happy to report that when you walk down the hallway now, you no longer smell FEET.  Now, you smell febreeze and some fresh linen plug-ins. Here is the before and after photo:

2. Do 11 New Activities/Crafts With the Kids.

We have struggled with letting go of the sippie cups at our house.  I guess you could say that none of us do change well.  So I came up with a craft that would make the transition more fun.  Here are the supplies needed for our "Big Boy Cup" craft.  (paint brushes, paper plate, acrylic paints, plastic cups) :

I squirted a bit of colored paint on a paper plate in order to contain the mess, and laid newspaper out for us to paint on.  Then Mr. Grouchy Pants went to town!

It was such a simple little craft and didn't take long at all.  I let him draw just about anything on his "big boy cup" that he wanted.  He ended up drawing a portrait of himself and writing his name on it. Since we've finished, he loves to use this cup instead of his sippie cups.  It's personalized and he's proud of it. :)  Double win!

3.  Go to/visit/try/experience 11 New Places or Things.

This activity could also fall under the previous paragraph.  We decided to visit a local farm for the Fall season and let the boys experience something new.  I had personally never been to the Orr Family Farm, so this was something exciting for me as well.  It was extremely fun!  There was so much to do as you can see below:

There were go-carts to ride, hay bales to climb, homemade slides, a petting zoo, and a ginormous moonbounce.  Grouch "bounced" almost the whole morning.  He would still be bouncing had we not drug him away.  Lil Stinky Pants loved the animals the best.  This was no surprise to me as he would rather play with the bugs at the playground, than actually swing or slide.  These poor people that are just out at the parks for a stroll with their pets don't stand a chance for peace and solitude.  Stinker can't see a "puppy" without wanting to run and "give it kisses". The farm animals were no different.  He got to pet a horse, kiss a big pig, and feed the goats and sheep.  It was a blast for everyone!

Another new experience (and privilege!) for me this week was being asked to be a "Guest Blogger" on a friend's blog website.  My friend Deanna, has such an inspirational blog called "Raising Inspiration: Seeking God through the Spit-Up".  You can find all things encouraging and spiritually motivating on her blog weekly.  My guest blog, posted last week was called "All Moms Are Liars".  Check it out here: All Moms Are Liars 

Lastly, to top off this festive Halloween week, I couldn't refrain from showing off another pic of my little SuperMEN.  They both decided to be superman for trick-or-treat.  Dressing up like superheroes is definitely nothing new at our house, but they got their new costumes last night and literally have not taken them off since.  They would sleep in their capes if we would let them!  Love that they have this extreme daily desire to "fight evil" and "save the day!".  They definitely make my day with their constant growls and threats to make-believe bad guys.  Soooo, from my house to yours, HAPPY HALLOWEEN from my little heroes!

And don't forget to enter to win this week's GIVEAWAY!!  I will be picking a winner on Saturday!!  Post links, leave me comments, and tell your amigos and amigas about my little blog!  Please and Thank you!!