Things I Learned This Week

My booty is gonna beep when I back up if I don’t amp up my workout routine again soon.

Mr. Grouch's future wife is going to be one lucky lady. Never will he hear, "I just wished you talked to me more." In the meantime, where can I buy a muzzle in size 5T?

Sometimes, the amount of self-control it takes to not say what's on my mind is so immense I need a nap afterwards.

Someday we'll all find out Pinterest was a huge conspiracy created by a group of men who are tricking women everywhere into cooking and cleaning and working out.

Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08′ album at 4am.

"I think everybody should get rich & famous & do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer." ~ Actor Jim Carrey

Has anyone ever watched a movie or a comedian or speaker that has that one line that they always say a hundred times in any given segment? I feel like one of them today, but instead of something funny like, "That's what she said!", my repetitive phrase is, "Wanna go pee pee?" . . . ."Wanna go pee pee?". . . ."Do you need to go pee pee?". . . ."Don't you DARE go pee pee in your pants. . ."

I'm wondering when The HACKERS of the WORLD are going to do something really useful like changing the prices at the gas pumps to $1 a gallon ??

We're getting mighty close to that time of year when women think its acceptable to go outside in their underwear and children are encouraged to take candy from strangers....

Afternoon naps are habit-forming. I'm trying to quit.

So much housework, so little time. Okay there is plenty of time, I just don't want to do it.

When you're making positive strides forward, there will ALWAYS be someone doubting you. Just make sure it's not you.

Everybody in sweatpants and jackets needs to chill out right now. It's still 80 degrees outside. No need to get crazy.

Realizing the importance of being positive today. In other words, instead of saying "There's nothing in my house to eat", I shall say, "What an awesome opportunity for me to be creative with peanut butter, pickles, and paprika".

*Despite what I sometimes think, God never gives me more than I can handle. :)