The last time I'd seen that look was in the mirror. I stood in the bathroom, brushing my teeth as my husband casually asked if we'd paid the phone bill yet. There was the face! Blank, shocked, and searching. . ."Yep." I replied, thinking I've GOT to pay that today! I knew I hadn't done it yet. I knew I was lying, but I did it anyway.
How often do we demonstrate the kind of honesty that we demand from our kids? How many times have we "fibbed" to our spouse about how much we've spent at the store, to the officer who stopped us speeding on the highway, to our pastor, mother, aunt, best friend about how we are really doing? It's a good thing that liars pants really don't catch on fire, because we'd all be walking around in flames!
I've had to come clean with my little man about the generational curse of lying and how it affects all of us. The only thing that has impacted his tendency for "fibbing" is the understanding that it is also something that mommy and daddy struggle with as well. We are all prone to protect our reputations, giving a good impression, and living lives that are laden with silly,petty untruths because our biggest flaw in life since the beginning of time is the need to be successful. We hate for anyone to know that we've failed. . .so we lie. We cover up all the blemishes and behaviors that we don't like about ourselves in hopes that people will only see what we want them to see. The problem is, God sees the dirt.
We are slowly learning in our family that honesty really is the best policy. Even when it's not pretty. Even if it means that we didn't do our homework and we completely forgot to pay the phone bill. My bet is that all kids learn best when they can see OUR mistakes. Admitting when we failed, when we forgot, when we've lied. When we as parents live transparently, we send the message to our children that it's okay to not be perfect. There's no need to hide. There's no need to lie. But there is a definite need for TRUTH.
amen! so true! I remember growing up just wishing some of the adults in my life would be honest about their struggles. They never were so I felt alone in struggling like that. Being honest about struggles is definitely one of my life goals- as a parent and in general!
ReplyDeleteGood for you Ash! It's something I've struggled my whole life with. Maybe because I saw the deception and "fibbing" that my parents did to each other. I know it's something that we can all struggle with. But when we are MORE AWARE of the problem, we can strive harder for transparency, even with our kids.
DeleteOh my gosh...I've got to pay the bills!
ReplyDeleteNo, I swear that's not the only thing I took away from this post. I'm the same way...it's only when I started confessing my "fibs" I started taking some control over them. It's still a struggle, but at least I feel like I can put up a good fight now.
Good to know I'm not the only one! :) And glad I could be a reminder! I'll send this post to you on the 10th of every month! :)
DeleteIt is those little ones that puts the pressure on us when a big one comes up. Will the big one expose all of the little ones at the same time? We need to practice being vulnerable with the truth and willing to be seen as not perfect.
ReplyDeleteI think that's the root of it, Mark. We need to be willing to be seen as not perfect. It's so hard because parenthood and life in general leaves us feeling out of control. We try to "appear" more all together than we really are. That gets us into loads of trouble. I'm learning that letting the little ones see when Mommy fails is HUGE in their understanding that their own failures aren't the end of the world, but fuel for second chances.
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