This Is REAL Life: MY KID SWALLOWED A LEGO

HE SURE DID.

Last Thursday, the little dudes were playing with Legos, a daily activity that allows me time to surf Facebook in the middle of the day while also answering "LOOK AT THIS MOM" demands every time they build yet another tower. (Exactly like the last one. And the one before that. And. . .well, you get it.)

We had just finished and had put them all back in the container and I noticed that the littlest dude (Micah, age 4) was chewing on something. After explaining for the 4,356th time why we do not chew on Legos, I thought he put it away and went on to other things. He lay in the floor, singing and commenting on how my oldest played a game on the XBox (another guilty pleasure. It's Spring Break, cut me some technology-slack!).

All of the sudden, I heard choking from the floor. I jumped out of my seat, staring at the little dude, grabbing his neck and turning a funny shade of red. A MILLION thoughts ran through my head, IS HE CHOKING?! WHAT DO I DO?! I DON'T REMEMBER CPR OR THE HEIMLICH!! WHAT IS IN HIS MOUTH?? COME ON, BABY, DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS TO ME!! In the 5 seconds it took me to rush to his side, he stopped flailing and started sobbing instead. My first reaction was, this is a very good sign, right? If he's crying, he can breathe! He jumped up from the floor and started screaming at me, "TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL! I SWALLOWED IT!  I SWALLOWED IT! IT'S INSIDE ME, WE HAVE TO GET IT OUT!!" By this time, I'm just praising God that he is talking and it took me a few seconds to realize that he was having an all-out hypochondriac attack. He swallowed the Lego. He SWALLOWED it. The very Lego I told him to take out of his mouth not 5 minutes ago. I didn't know whether to be mad or relieved or both. Hubby ran in, hearing the crying and immediately started googling "What To Do If Child Swallows Lego". God bless him. I got the dude calmed down with the promise that the Lego would come out eventually. (Fingers crossed?) This was the BEST life lesson in not putting anything in your mouth that's not food. . .EVER. Though I would never wish it on anyone. It literally scared him to death.

Now we have commenced POOP WATCH 2014.

Google (and my sister who is an ER nurse) have promised that these things usually show up in the stool within 7 days. We are almost 3 days in and I've had to poke each and every bathroom scene with a stick from the backyard. NO LEGO. Each and every time, my little dude makes the same observation. "It's still in there, Mom. And I think it's never comin' out." Heaven help us. We're buying stock in prunes while we wait this thing out.

Bloggers and fellow parents assure me that this is something that many have had to deal with. Legos, really?! One mom said that her child swallowed an open safety pin! A SAFETY PIN, PEOPLE! This makes me feel like comparatively, I can remove my name from World's Worst Parent List, at least for today. What do you think? Have your littles swallowed things and what was the outcome?? Commiserate with me for a bit, won't you?

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Every MONDAY, we will be sharing a new entry for our weekly "This Is REAL Life" segment. A sarcastic and chaotic and transparent look at parenting through our real-life experiences. And since my parenting is a walking disaster scene most days, the material will be aplenty! Join us every Monday as we learn to laugh and appreciate the circus that is daily life as a parent of young kiddos. Enjoy!