To Junk or Not To Junk. . .This Is The Question.

I swear, there are soooooooo many surprises of parenting that nobody ever tells you about before you have kids, like all the poop and all the boogers and all the interrupted sex (yours not theirs). There are also the piles upon piles of artwork that continuously bombard your house on a weekly basis. Honest to goodness, just what in the heck are you supposed to do with it all?! The way I see it, you can do one of two things: 1.) You can either save it all up and be buried alive under a mountain of stick figure drawings or 2.) You can toss it in the garbage when the coast is finally clear.

If we’re being really truthful with each other here, I personally tend to pick option 2.) As sentimental as I might be, I REALLY don’t need to preserve every friggin’ piece of paper that my children have touched. Cause sometimes? Well, sometimes, the end result is crap. The trick, however, is trying to get rid of said projects without being detected. It can be quite devastating to a kid if he sees you jamming his so-called “work of art” into an overflowing waste basket. You will no doubt be given the third degree as to why you’d willingly choose to throw out such a fine masterpiece. And good luck trying to think on your toes in that scenario! You’ll be gritting your teeth as you’re scraping coffee grounds and spaghetti sauce off Junior’s horrific-looking fingerpainting.

I’ve lived and learned the hard way that what I need to do is to throw out the awful pictures when the shorties are fast asleep. You see, I make it look like I’m ooing and awwing over their work by setting it on the kitchen counter. And then late at night, when I know for certain that I’m not risking getting busted, I run it out to the garage with the trash, where the kids are forbidden to go. Problem solved!

Now before you go labeling me The Meanest Mommy on the Planet, please be assured that I most certainly do save a decent amount of the “good” projects that come home. Heck, my kitchen even looks like a dang elementary art museum. The really special projects are the ones that I choose to keep. I just cannot possibly save it all (nor do I want to). Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some rather crappy-looking St. Paddy's Day collages that I need to run out to the garage real quick….