Friday, March 9, 2012

Worst Mother in the World

This blog is supposed to be a sarcastic, humorous encouragement to women, to lead their best lives. I try my best to make the best out of everything, to put a positive spin on things, to talk about my struggles and how I overcame them. It brings me great joy to know that someone reading might take my words and have a little hope.

But, this post isn’t about that.

I recently told my friend that motherhood has forced me to dig to the deepest parts of me to find the most patience I have. I have dug, and dug and dug. And there isn’t any left. I’m all out. I have slammed into a wall recently and am wondering when the “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” statement will be flung at me like monkeys throwing poo at the zoo. Which by the way, I don’t even want to get into complaining about how much poop I’ve been dealing with on a literal standpoint in this house.
So, what is this post about? Well, I understand that you, reading this, are not the complaint department. But, I’d like to confess that my gremlin has got the best of me lately. And he’s hit be below the belt, right in the uterus. He’s laughing hysterically and pointing and saying,

You are the worst mother in the world. 

In the world of, “Keep it together, lady. Don’t let them see you sweat, or cry, or fly off the handle,” it’s next to impossible for me. When my 5 year old son gets in my face and screams, “NOOOOOOOO!” at the top of his lungs I think, “Does this child hate me? This beautiful boy that has my heart in his hands?” And when my 2 year old little Stinker clings to me and cries when I drop him off at Mother's Day Out for the 4 hours that he will be away from me 3 times a week, I think, “For pete’s sake, he’s still so young! How could I leave him?” 

You are the worst mother in the world.

I mean really, it’s the only possible explanation. 
I don’t think I ever knew pain until I experienced mommy guilt. No one tells you before you have kids that it’s a package deal. No one tells you that the pain of mommy guilt will wreck you from the inside out. I spent all that time before I had kids with my head in the clouds thinking motherhood is about hearts and rainbows. 
You are the worst mother in the world.

I type all these words and think, “You know there are people out there that can’t have kids. That would give their right arm to have them, all of it, guilt and all.” 
So, yet again, 

You are the worst mother in the world.

But, I’m human. And I’m having a really, really hard time. 

One of my favorite scenes from the movie, “Forrest Gump”, Forrest is running when a reporter approaches him. Forrest runs through dog shit: 
Reporter: Man! You just ran through a big pile of dog shit! 
Forrest: It happens. 
Reporter: What? Shit? 
Forrest: Sometimes……


  1. Yanno what? It makes you human....=)...we've all felt that same thing at some point....I remember plenty of times I thought..."oh joy...I suck as a mom"...but they are grown now...have their own kids...and I've heard daughter say (more than once mind you) after forgetting a jacket, or accidently bumping him...or any number of "shit happens" moments, exclaim "oh joy...I'm getting Mom of the Year for THAT one!"..You are a good hold your chin up...take a deep breath...and every time that thought starts drifting in...pull back your good leg and give it a swift kick in the ass!!! Love you girl! so proud to see what a wonderful woman you've grown up to be!!!

  2. I can completely relate!!! Sometimes you just wish that your mother would have given you a heads up before you had your own. I know I must have done some horrible stuff to her in my younger, rebellious days. A heads up would of been nice to prepare my ego. Nice work momma!!

  3. You, my love, are a member of the most spectacular club on earth - the Worst Mother Club. We are amazingly wonderful, funny creatures - and humor is the only way we can survive parenting. Some days are better than others. Love and hugs, DG

  4. I certainly feel like this. A lot. I know I should be grateful and happy all the time. But I'm not and that's okay. The only thought that gets me through it:
    I am the only mommy this child will ever have and I really am doing my best right now. So...I am the best mommy this child will ever have! And it's true. Even when I'm the worst. And somehow it makes me be better, if only for a moment.