Monday, September 3, 2012

Keep Your Pants On!

I don't know about you, but from the moment the potty-train left the station, it has been nothing but bare butts and one-eyed snake sightings around here! I made the huge mistake of letting my mother have the boys for the weekend only to get them back with an amazing new talent! Or so they think!  Apparently they find nothing more exciting than to drop trou and pee a river in the backyard.  Thank you, Mother. When my oldest was potty-training, he obviously didn't get the memo that this activity was okay for the backyard but not for the front yard. We are unpacking the SUV of groceries one afternoon only to turn around and find Mr. Grouch, pants around his ankles on the front porch, peeing onto the sidewalk. Oh, but it gets better.  I notice he has mastered the one-handed maneuver and is using the other hand to wave persistently at my next door neighbors who had stepped out to grab the mail.  Needless to say, I was mortified! We had a looooooooong talk about how it is inappropriate for ANYONE to see our "winkie". Thus proceeded the questions about this person and that person and whether they are allowed to see his business.  "What about Grandma? She's seen my pee pee. . ."  "Yes, honey, it's okay if they see it if they are taking you to the potty."  What about so-and-so, and what about the person at the bathroom at the zoo, and what about the dog in the neighbors yard.  I had to shut this outside bathroom business down, and quick!

In between Mr. Grouch and Mr. Stink's potty-training segments, the "Backyard Bathroom" remained closed. I thought we were finally past the excitement of it all. Now that Stinker's potty-training adventure is in full-force, we do what any respectable (stupid) American family does and jump into the magical world of raising a puppy. Wonderful timing on my part. And I thought my potty-training days were behind me!  Ms. Pepper Potts (yes, we named our puppy after IronMan's girlfriend) is 7 months old and was rescued from the pound. Like most pound puppies, she learned to go just about anywhere she wanted. As she has made the transition into our home, I thought taking her out every hour would be a breeze.  Out she goes while I wait inside until she's finished. Apparently this was not the case.  She insists on having an audience to her "potty party".  I have to go outside and coax her through the ordeal almost every time. This would be a lot easier if I didn't have toddlers waiting at the back door, wondering why in the world Mommy is insisting that Pepper pee in the grass???!!!  We thought this was forbidden!?!?  I could just see the wheels turning in their little brains.

One day last week, I look out into the backyard where I have let Mr. Stinker and Pepper out to play. One minute they are running around chasing sticks, the next. . .HORROR.  I look out the back door and find Pepper doing her business (#2 to be specific) in the far corner of the yard.  Right next to her I see Stinker, squatted over, knees bent, in a moment of physical intensity as he does his poo business next to his new friend. I. Give. Up.

Of course, there's worse things that my boys could be doing.  So they like "Backyard Bathroom" time.  So I had to pooper-scooper more than dog doo that afternoon. I compromised with my little monsters and relented to letting them go #1 in the backyard only as long as there was no one else around.  They agreed that the grass and leaves make horrible TP so agreed to keep #2 in the house, where it can be properly flushed.  Seems to be a Win/Win resolution.  The things we go through in this motherhood adventure!  I can't wait to see what could possibly be next!


  1. I laughed out loud....

    Win Win for all!

    It is better than I was when I was a boy. We lived on a farm and my room was upstairs. We had a window that stayed open most of the time with a screen on it. Needless to say to go in the back yard I did not even have to go outside!!