Thursday, December 20, 2012

An Entitled Mom's Plea to Santa Clause

Dear Santa,

I think I’ve been a good Mom this year. I’ve kissed foreheads Good Night, wiped away tears caused by hurt feelings, administered to a myriad of boo-boos, and wiped the booties of not only my little ones, but some friends. I’ve rallied playdates, fed the preschool class kids, and worn out entire bottles of Excedrin attending parties at Chuck E. Cheese. I’ve carpooled the boy to a seasons’ worth of sporting events and kept my toddler entertained at numerous friend's weddings. I’ve endured the smell of feet while the little ones insisted on playing at every McDonald's playplace, paid copious dues for preschool Pizza Days, and taught various grades of Sunday School. Ok, I’ve yelled WAY too much and probably fed them more junkfood than my pediatrician would like. And yes, I’ve allowed them more television than the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends, but I like my sanity and need a little peace and quiet. But overall, I think I deserve to be on the nice list.

Here’s what I would like for Christmas:

1. A sick day once in a while. When I’m running a 104 fever, I’d like to be able to stay in bed and have someone take care of me.
2. A complete night of sleep without someone either calling me or coming into the bed. Yes, I know when they’re in college I’ll miss them, but I’d like one night NOW.
3. A free limousine service to drive my kids wherever they need to go, on time, without having to nag kids a few hundred times to put on their shoes.
4. An automatic tushy wiper so I don’t have to.
5. A self-cleaning house.
6. Calorie-less cheesecake, beer, Doritos, onion dip, milkshakes, candy, and Italian food.
7. A free in-house masseuse.
8. Garbage that takes itself out.
9. More television shows like “Up All Night,” “Supernanny,” and “Modern Family.”
10. Peace on earth or at least peace in my house.

By the way, I know your weight is unhealthy, but I think you look great in that red suit. Hugs to the reindeer!

Ok, so I know some of my requests are unrealistic, but thinking about them helps me join the 87 percent of happy adults waiting for Santa.

Merry Christmas!


  1. this seems very reasonable to me!! love up all night and modern family, so funny!

  2. My wife would say I take care of number 8 when I go to work!! :)

  3. Yeah good wishes! I need some of those too, and I love Modern Family and Up All Night! :)