Monday, December 24, 2012

Because You're Blogging to Avoid the Family Holiday Drama. . .

But I'm here to tell ya. . .GET BACK TO THE FAMILY!! At least that's what I'm doing this week. And given that it's Christmas Eve, and my kids are officially off for the next week, I plan on spending as much time refereeing, unwrapping, bear-hugging, wrestling, mistletoeing (is that a thing? I plan to chase them around and kiss them as many times as humanly possible. . .), caroling, cuddling, and general holiday-ing my week away. So should YOU. But, instead, you're HERE. Probably sipping eggnog or a mimosa and hiding in a corner somewhere trying to avoid holiday photo ops. While you bide time, here's a little something I prepared in advance for you! (Aren't I thoughtful?!) The following are the TEN MOST POPULAR posts from 2012. . . In case you missed any of them. . .and pace yourselves. . .You have to spend time with your family at some point this week! :)  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to All!

The Best of Miss Banana Pants 2012

Ever had one of those days when your child decides to pick their nose in public, then offers his “finds” to the person behind you in the Wal-Mart check-out line? Or how about one of those days when your toddler asks why it’s okay for you to spank him, but it’s not okay for him to spank his friends? How about one of those days when you try to change a “questionable” diaper in the car, only to realize at the wrong moment that your toddler wasn’t finished with said “questionable business” and thus, proceeds to “finish” all over the front seat and your new Miss Me jeans? As crazy (and disgusting) as all those scenarios sound, I had them ALL 3 this morning. 

When we were new parents, we were a bit scatterbrained. This is an understatement. We brought our new baby boy home from the hospital and oohed and aaaahed over him and sat and stared at him breathing and just "being" for days. Isn't that what all parent's do? And we sat and talked about how crazy it was that we were parents. . .that God actually entrusted a tiny human to us and that so far, we'd kept him alive.

As a mom, punctuality is not generally our strong suit. It's not because we don't want it to be. It's not even because we are incapable of it. I'd like to believe it is because of a simple three-letter hindrance. . .K-I-D. 

I don't know about you, but from the moment the potty-train left the station, it has been nothing but bare butts and one-eyed snake sightings around here!

We've all felt the clutter of life at one time or another. I think that it comforts us to a certain degree. Having more "stuff" makes us feel secure, distracted, and accomplished.  I've truthfully never been very materialistic. Stuff doesn't mean very much to me.

I’m not sure how it happened, but apparently I have failed as a parent just by virtue of being American. According to the latest parenting trend, many cultures are better parents than Americans – ergo, I am a parenting failure (and yes, in case you were wondering I have been waiting months to use the word “ergo” in a blog).

Gonna be honest, I enjoy reading the vandalism in bathroom stalls. I mean when else do you have that much entertainment while peeing?

So occasionally I come across some little quiz or whatever “helping” people determine if they’re ready to become a parent. This is, of course, totally ridiculous, because there is no possible way anybody could ever be “ready” for the train wreck that is New Parenthood.
You can’t prepare for that. (Neither the joys nor the horrors.)

I recently told my friend that motherhood has forced me to dig to the deepest parts of me to find the most patience I have. I have dug, and dug and dug. And there isn’t any left. I’m all out. I have slammed into a wall recently and am wondering when the “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” statement will be flung at me like monkeys throwing poo at the zoo. 

LOOK. If my kid is playing with matches and licking dog poop off of a lead toy while sitting in the middle of a busy intersection, then sure, tell me to get off my cell phone and pay attention to my child. No, really. I may be (finally) having a little adult interaction with my best friend who lives on the other side of the world, but I want to know if my kid’s in danger. Because believe it or not, my priorities are pretty intact.


  1. I have enjoyed your blog a great deal Michelle. Some of these were my favorites as well. Merry Christmas!

    1. Thanks for being such a loyal reader and encourager, Mark! It's really meant a lot to me!