Sasstastic

It's not often that I will blog about anything particularly useful; I suppose I've come to the realization that my blog is niche-less, not really parental in any fashion, far cry from the normal "mommy blogger". Useful? Not so much. Humorous? To some. At any rate, today is a departure from the Woe is Mama Monologues of last week and I'm talking about something important! I know, I'm as shocked as you are.

Those of you who may read my blog know I refer to my 4-year-old as the Drama Queen, I don't know where he gets it, I blame his father, I suppose. (wink, wink) I may also be wearing a Tiara right now. But I'll say it again; I don't like kids who sass me. Who does? Now before you start rolling your eyes, and saying things like, "just wait, ha!” I know, I know it's normal, I know it only gets worse, teenager, blah, blah. But really when is it too much? That's my question. When is the sass out of control? And...can you nip sass in the bud?

I've been called a lot of things, 'good Mom', 'lenient Mom', 'crazy Mom', 'hot Mom', oh wait....there are others too, just can't recall, I block some things out. My favorite insult regarding my no-sass policy and manner requirement was this line, "you are raising little adults"; uh, yeah, pretty much, but I digress.....this means nothing coming from the parent whose child is standing on his chair at dinner kicking his sister. Not bitter whatsoever. It hasn't always been this way.  I like to think that I've always given my boys the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I'd been known to brush-off the sassing as "they're just joking".  But we (the hubs and I) decided that we don't want this behavior to get out of hand, so we've started buckling down and not letting the munchkins buck the system hardly at all without immediate punishment.  Here's the situation:

Drama Queen (or King) Grouch, the Lil Stinker, and I were going to Toys 'r Us.......long story, but we were going there together around the holidays. This was my first big mistake. In hindsight is good, because Toys 'r Us can swallow you up and spit you back out worse for wear. Grouchy Pants had $5 dollars to spend and knew we were going that day. All morning long he was a down-right brat. (Now I don't like to call my child a brat, but it is what it is.) Sassy, throwing tantrums and huffing around, I had called him on it one too many times that morning and he and the Little Stinker were plotting against me. I had worn out the line, "Knock it off or you will not spend your money today". Finally, at each incident I just got down to his level and said, "Remember how you are acting right now, and what you just said to me, because I'm going to ask you later." Four times I quoted that.

Now at the toy store I remind myself that he will not be getting anything.  It's a good thing I remember to talk to myself, or I think that I may have crumbled. He started talking about what he was going to pick out and I said, "Sorry, hon, you're not getting anything"..... {insert crying eruption} Through the tears were why, why, whys and I calmly said, "Remember when I told you to remember how you were acting and what you said to me...that's why."

Mean Mommy trick? Maybe. Okay, totally. But nothing else was working. Did I know this would cause a meltdown at the toy store? Meltdowns don't scare me, my littlest one still has them daily, I kick meltdowns butt. Okay, sometimes they kick mine...but most of the time. The threats of not getting anything weren't working; so I had to take action and follow through. If there is one thing I have learned as a parent it is IF YOU THREATEN YOUR CHILD WITH A CONSEQUENCE, BE PREPARED TO FOLLOW THROUGH. Otherwise, you lose all credibility. You may as well just hand over the car keys and call it a day, they're driving.

In the parking lot things escalated, a full-on screaming tantrum by the Drama King. Those are practically unheard of for him, so this was rare. I was walking in front with the Stinker, and I said nothing. Tried the 'ol, ignore it approach. No dice. I supposedly ruined his life, was mean, etc. Okay kid; get it out of your system. Then he says, "You just hate me". I finally whipped my head around and yelled, "Enough, you're done". We were drawing a crowd of on-lookers, and I was done with the pitiful me fest.

I put the kids in car, and told Mr. Grouch that we were going to have a long talk. I didn't  really have to rehearse my plan of action, because neither me nor his dad ever tolerate bad behavior, and I'm lucky in the fact that BC will most often times back me up. I am the disciplinarian, as I'm the one with them the most. But dad is the one that usually reiterates the “sentence” later on. Kids need to know their boundaries and that the parents have a united front; otherwise it just leads to insecurity and anxiety, or acting out... Then there was fifteen minutes in the car lecturing the Grouch where he ultimately lost “superhero privileges” for further sass, which he had to earn back; and did {he even got a note home from school about how he had gone out of his way to be kind}. So I consider this bump a success.

We are all blazing new paths on the parenting trail, and nobody has all the answers. One day I think I know what I'm doing and the next it's all gone to heck.

Let's also not lose sight of the fact that there is a line between voicing your opinion and being disrespectful. Far too many kids are just downright disrespectful to their parents. I think I would be doing my child a disservice by allowing them to whine and sass me, that is not how you get what you want in this world.

So how much Sass is normal? And how do you deal with it? There is no parental judgment happening here, I sincerely want your opinion. I am wielding the power of the blog and asking for your best advice, even if it is Dr. Phil-ish.

{Disclaimer: I am fully aware that I am one of the most sasstastic people that has ever roamed the Earth and this is my Karma.}