Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Clark Constitution: Amended

Every household has its own set of rules which its members are expected to follow. Most of them are pretty reasonable expectations that allow the inhabitants to peacefully co-exist with one another. Lately, however, I’ve been feeling like our little Constitution needs some serious amending. Here are just a few of the additions that I think need to be attached to our domestic guidelines:

1. Do not not ride mommy like a horse when she bends over to do laundry.
2. Do not lick people, especially strangers.
3. Do not eat your boogers.
4. Do not pee in the front yard.
5. Do not put your Legos in the oven.
6. Do not shoot your brother .
7. Do not spit on the window.
8. Do not shove Goldfish up your nose.
9. Do not drink your bath water.
10.  Do not wear Mommy's bra on your head.
11. Do not eat M&M’s while taking a dump.
12. Do not stick your head in the trash can.
13. Do not throw balls at the windows.
14. Do not kick your Daddy in the balls.
15. Do not answer the door in your birthday suit.
16. Do not put the milk in the kitchen cabinet.
17. Do not put dead bugs in Mommy’s purse.
18. Do not eat toothpaste.
19. Do not put your underwear on the kitchen table
20. Do not put popcorn in the toilet.
21. Do not pull your "pee pee" out in public.
22. Do not eat dog food.
23. Do not collect rocks in the bathtub.
24. Do not call random strangers "dude" when you meet them.
25. Do not honk Mommy's boobs.

There are so many other things that I would like to add, but because I am outnumbered by the male persuasion in this house, I know that they would be veto'd. I will stick with these and hope for the best.


  1. oh my goodness, this made me laugh so hard! Oh, the joys of being a mother of boys... :)

  2. I can definitely relate to the large majority of these! My addition would be: Do not throw pillows/scarves/(really any large and flammable object) at Mommy while she is cooking at the stove. This is a newly acquired habit, one we're working VERY hard to kick quickly!