Friday, April 6, 2012

Someone Is Missing

Have you ever had a feeling that something is missing, but you can't quite put your finger what it is? I've had that a lot lately.  But it's more of a who than a what.  I'm not even entirely sure how to put it into words, but someone is missing from my little family.  And I'm not quite sure who that someone is. It's an unsettling feeling because it's seemed for a while now that our family dynamic is perfect. What more could we need or want?

BC and I have been done with having kids since, well. . .Stinker came along.  He was quite the surprise, actually, as we were doing all we could to "prevent" said surprise from happening. God sure has a sense of humor.  And boy, is he creative! I'm even more convinced than ever that if God has a plan and a purpose for someone, he will do whatever it takes to bring that little person into being. Even against our better judgement.  And how His judgement is SO much better than ours!  So almost three years ago, on Father's Day no less, we welcomed our littlest bundle of crazy into the world.  He has been my walking, breathing, living JOY. Looking back, there is no way that I would have wanted to "prevent" him from happenning. Though we weren't sure that we wanted more than one child, I can't imagine my life without my little Stinky Pants.  There would be a huge void.  A hole.  A missing piece.

Which brings me back to my point. I had a dream a few days ago that there was another little human in my house. I say that loosely, because I couldn't tell you for a fact that this little person was a little "he" or a little "she". Just that they were here and it felt right.  Now I've been known to have some pretty far-out dreams. Just this week, I've been a music producer, a spy, at the hospital for the birth of my new niece/nephew who came out a monkey, and also started an orphanage for cats.  Anyone who's heard me talk about them knows that I have the most crazy, graphic, absurd, extraordinary dreams.  My creative mind just goes into overdrive at night!  But this dream was a tad different. We were just going about our normal life with THREE little people in our home instead of two. I woke up and thought nothing of it the rest of the day. But ever since, everytime we are playing at the park, sitting down to dinner, or I'm watching the boys and BC wrestle on the living room floor, I have this resounding thought in the back of my mind. Someone is missing.

I know plenty of my friends would tell me that this all means that we are supposed to have another baby. Fat chance, my husband would say! It's a little bit more complicated than that to me. Who knows if we are to increase our family the old-fashioned way intentionally, or if we are to just wait and pray and ask God who is missing.  We've talked about adoption, fostering, etc. before. . .could that be what this is about?  Who knows. But there is a void, and I know that where God places a void, He will also send someone to fill it.

I mainly share these thoughts with you all because I'm practicing this new thing called transparency. And maybe, just maybe some of you have had some of the same feelings. If you have, I would LOVE to hear about it!  I will continue to wait expectantly for God to reveal His plan.  I feel like He's always up to something lately!  It's exciting.  But this feeling that I have that we are missing someone in this family is something that I've not experienced before.  It's an eerie feeling. In my own selfishness, I'd love to pray that this missing person is of the female persuasion, as there is quite enough testosterone to go around the Clark household!  I just know that whomever it is, will make there way eventually.  And knowing God, it will be in the most unconventional, surprisingly perfect way.


  1. I haven't had any dreams about it but I definitely have had the feeling that something is missing. I don't have that feeling of completeness that I thought I would have after having my two kids. I can't help but feel like we were meant for another. The unsettling thing is that I just don't KNOW if I want more but still the feeling is there. My hubby says abosolutely not so we will see. I have been known to weaken his resolve. :)

  2. Oh I could write a big long companion blog post, but I won't :) I will say, my mother in law holds tightly to the old wives' tale that, if ever someone feels like there's someone missing from a group, it means they're about to get pregnant. I don't know if it's got any statistical backing, but she swears by it :)

  3. Oh, Jaci, don't tell BC that! Lol! I'm not sure if I'm ready to commit to being done, or wait to expand our family a non-conventional way......Noah HAS been asking for a dog a lot lately.... :)