Friday, April 20, 2012

That's What She Said

There are many phrases that instantaneously fly out of my mouth at this point in my life that I never ever thought I’d hear. And yeah, I blame it ALL on parenting. Cause kids? They just constantly do weird crap. Here are just a few of the ridiculous words that I’ve uttered over the past several years:

“Get that pea out of your nose!”
“Mommy’s boobs are not horns.”
“Don’t shoot your brother.”
“Please keep your hands out of your pants when you’re in public.”
“Don’t pick your nose.”
“You won’t have any friends if you eat your boogers.”
“Do not ride the dog.”
” Shoes go on your feet, not the kitchen table.”
“Go to sleep or you’ll be short forever.”
“Plastic bags don’t go on your head.”
“Please don’t put your socks in the flower pots.”
“We do not eat bananas when we’re taking a poo.”
“Do not wear Mommy’s bra on your head.”
“No, rocks do NOT belong in the bathtub.”
“It’s not polite to spit at the neighbors.”
“Yes, you have to wear pants to the birthday party.”
“Mommy will go to jail if you don’t go to school.”
“Do not eat your toothpaste.”
“M&M’s are not a breakfast food.”
“We color on the paper, not on the wall.”
“Dead dandilions do not go in Mommy’s purse.”
“Do not suck on nickels.”

Can anyone relate?


  1. "only pick one side of your nose at a time." Only later did I think to mention a tissue...

  2. "Do not lick the window!"
    "Do not chew on the shopping cart handle!"
    "No, we don't eat off the floor in public."
    "Please don't crawl under the table." (at Pizza Hut)
    "You have to wear underwear when we leave the house."