You see, I ABHOR laundry. And it seems if I don't want to smell atrocious, I must do it daily. I've continued to learn this the hard way. Many times this week I've realized that the only thing I have clean is my OKC Thunder T-shirt and a pair of black leggings. You will not understand without picture evidence just how NOT RIGHT that outfit choice is, but I'm not ready to subject my readers to that kind of torture. Just picture a tight baby T paired with black spandex on Richard Simmons and know that it is close to that. Not okay. Laundry has become my life. Or reeking of B.O. and I'm really not ready to stoop to full-on hobo status for this social experiment, so a daily load it is. I'm tired of this month already.
Vainly, I'm just tired of seeing myself in the same things over and over. I'm tired of putting on make-up and doing my hair and then pulling on the same t-shirt I had on two days before. I don't feel attractive anymore. I know that sounds all kinds of conceited, but it really has opened my eyes a bit to how much what I put on the outside affects my mood and my emotions on the inside. I thought they were two totally separate things, but I'm realizing how closely they are linked in my life and that bothers me. I've walked around in a depressed funk lately, you can ask anyone in my home. Nothing's wrong, I just don't feel right. But what it boils down to is that I don't feel pretty or impressive or significant or attractive. I rely too heavily on the outward adornment to validate who I am. The truth is, my personality, the person that I am on the inside is impressive, significant, attractive, but I guess I've not believed it for a long time. I've masked the inside by putting on a nice little covering and calling it good. It's hard work spending more time uncovering the real ME, instead of hiding behind fancy clothes or a trendy wardrobe and letting that tell the story of who I am. Hard work, I tell ya.
So this week I'm spending more time and attention and energy working out who I am from the inside out. It's seems fitting that I am also going through a women's study at church by Beth Moore called Believing God. I "just so happen" to be on the part where your focus is "Believing YOU ARE who God says you are". I'm coming to grips with just how little I believed I am all the things that He says I am. . .Blessed, Forgiven, Chosen, Anointed, Adopted, Redeemed. Seems like such a simple concept. Of course I believe all those things! Do I though? Because when I spend more time picking out what outfit I'm going to wear for the day/event and not nearly as much time with God, I'm deliberately forgetting those things. If I believed I was those things, the result would be more worship, more seeking, more trust and less worry about life, and a life that is sold-out to God's passion for the world and His people and less focused on facebook and status and income and who pinned what recipe on pinterest. I wouldn't care how many blog followers I had or how many people came to my son's birthday party. My life would be completely different. My focus would be on living a life of thankfulness because I am Blessed, I am Redeemed, I am Forgiven, I am Adopted, I am Chosen. . . and not having as many days of waking up and looking in the mirror being bothered by the fact that I have to wear my OKC Thunder shirt again today.
So in conclusion, this week has been poop. I've not really enjoyed it, but it's been necessary to get out impurities in my life that I would've continued to mask had I not done this social experiment. Living in 7 articles of clothing is changing me. I'm ready to be done with this month, because I kind of enjoyed myself just the way I was. The fact that I still have two whole weeks for God to reveal even more superficial tendencies of mine is quite frightening. I wonder sometimes how much more of a "fake" I could feel, but I'm sure He's sitting up there going, "Oh, dear. . .brace yourself. This mirror of mine is only getting started showing you unattractive views of your inner self". Sounds like a barrel full of monkeys. My kind of fun, Lord. Bring it on. Just be gentle, will you?
1 Samuel 16:7b says: The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” [NIV]
Find out what else I learned in this Clothes Fast