Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Dump and Flush

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that most of us are not big fans of public restrooms.  There’s the whole ick factor of a peed- upon seat or a toilet bowl full of skid marks, and there’s also the embarrassment that goes along with doing your business in the presence of others.  Sometimes you get the little old lady playing a symphony of farts in the stall next to you, and sometimes you don’t realize the lock is broken on your stall door until someone barges right in on you mid-stream.  However, none of this quite compares to the awkwardness that can result from a single person restroom.

I’m sure y’all know just what I mean too.  You’re waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting to get into the loo, and when the person in there FINALLY emerges, he/she has dropped a MASSIVE stink bomb in the joint.  We’re talkin’ a poo delivery so big that it would likely result in a poop coma afterwards and require all future bathroom visitors to wear a gas mask upon entering.  It is then that you’re forced to decide if you can hold your breath and get in and out of there as fast as humanly possible or if you should just cross your legs and wait for a less polluted peeing environment.

And if you do decide to bite the bullet and enter at your own risk, you then take the chance of someone waiting for you to get out and automatically assuming that YOU are the one responsible for the stench of death.  Then what do you do?  Do you try like heck not to make eye contact and beeline outta there?  Or do you address the elephant in the room and defend yourself?

I was faced with this very same dilemma just this week.  It was during one of the bi-weekly visits to Mother's Day Out in which I was early (shocking, I know) and confronted with the prospect of taking time to go pee before I picked up the little monster.  Upon my arrival, I noticed someone before me had completely tainted any bit of clean air that had once existed in the single person restroom.  I somehow managed to choke my way through a rather unpleasant situation, only to find someone else waiting to use the same contaminated potty that I’d just been tortured to use.  However, I was not about to be blamed for it, so I just came right out and said, “I am NOT the one responsible for the smell of booty in there.“  Of course I’ll never know whether or not the other mom actually believed me, but I felt that I owed it to my reputation to at least try to stick up for myself.

So what have we learned from this little rant here today?  1. It’s important to practice holding your breath for long periods of time.  2. Carry room deodorizer with you at all times.  3. If you absolutely MUST make a deposit to a public porcelain bank, dump and flush repeatedly!


  1. I had to laugh..Ive had the SAME thoughts! Whats really bad though, is when this happens and your kid is with you and they look at you and say, "MOM!! It STINKS in here!!"

  2. It seriously took me 5 minutes to be able to type out a comment here. This is the funniest, albeit, true post I've EVER read. Number 3 should be posted on every single bathroom door. Right under the sign identifying whether it is the men's or women's restroom.

    1. Thank you Evelyn!! You are so sweet! Thanks for reading and your compliments!