Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Dear God, I'm Totally Repulsed Right Now!

Dear God,

I am 100 percent skeeved out.  While I was talking with my friend for two nanoseconds, my child climbed off his Batman tricycle, pulled a piece of chewed gum off the sidewalk, and popped it into his mouth.  You know how I feel about saliva, Lord!  You know what I was like when I was pregnant.  You know that it was even a stretch for me to kiss my own husband for those nine months because the thought of someone else's spit in my mouth was too much for my pregnancy hormones to handle!  And since he's been born, I've gotten so much better.  Heck, I even let these little monsters drink after me most of the time (although I still find the idea of "backwash" completely repulsing!) Praise You, Lord, for baby wipes, my defense against the spit of others for 5 years now!  Thank you for selling them by the case, because I sure have found them to be a life-saver!  But all of the sudden, the Terrible Twos have hit with a vengeance, and we're off-the-charts grimy here.  Gum from the sidewalk, a raisin extracted from his own nasal cavity, and Legos down his diaper that he nonchalantly retrieved and kept building with. . .so many germs, so little time to follow him around with antibacterial soap.  I see other mothers barely blinking as their kids put their filthy hands in the their grubby mouths and wipe their snotty noses on their frayed sleeves.  Please let me be more like them.  (Well, maybe not--that's just disgusting!)  Please help me to let go, but not too far.  In the meantime, if you need us, we'll be at home, gargling with Listerine.  Thanks.



  1. Last night my 3 year old swished the toilet brush all throughout the bath water while I wasn't looking. I wanted to hurl and scream and go ballistic.

    I feel you.

    1. To be that naive about germs. My life would be so much easier if I didn't know about all the nastiness of life.